Tag Archives: terminator

Skyrim: Welcome to Riverwood

Hadvar leads me to a town called Riverwood and introduces me to a couple there. He makes himself at home and begins babbling about Stormcloaks and dragons again. Really, I’ll need to teach him some new phrases.

“Well you’re pretty, I’ll give you that, ” says the lady of the house, “just stay away from my husband.”  I’m just full of good impressions it seems. I wonder if I’ll meet anyone in this world who doesn’t think the worst of me right away.

I wander around and find they seem to be okay with my taking one of everything, but I don’t. *I* find a bookcase. There can’t have been more than ten books on it but believe me I read them all.

Meanwhile, the terminator is trying to recruit me to join the Imperial Army because he can’t seem to remember the part where they tried to have me beheaded. He tells me to go to Whiterun and talk to the Jarl. As soon as he says this, those words roll up my screen like some great presentation but no one else seems to notice. I discover some menu buttons and figure this is now my mission.

I go back to reading books.

******

At some point during my reading I managed to wedge myself between the bookcase and a barrel. Despite the fact the barrel was empty, I couldn’t just push it out of the way because apparently I’m a huge wuss. I jumped around, ran into things, and generally made a huge commotion but the three other people in the room must have thought I’d turned rabid or something because no one came to help me.

Somewhere in the course of my cornered animal-like panic, I discovered I am MAGIC because I ended up shooting a fireball and igniting the wall of the house. I felt pretty bad about that but no one else seemed to notice or react in any way at all. I can’t help but think the force of the blast should have moved the barrel for me but physics seems to be broken today.

When I finally broke out I inspected the wall thoroughly and it wasn’t on fire anymore and there didn’t seem to be any damage. No one said anything about it but I helped the man forge some weapons for his shop later in an attempt to make amends.  Sorry I almost burned down your house, guy.

 

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Skyrim: You’re getting awfully judgey, Screen.

I don’t know how but I somehow managed to not die a fiery death that day. Through a series of uncoordinated and clumsy movements I managed to catch up to the terminator, who stood patiently waiting among the chaos.

As  I approached him, he took off toward another building then stopped to watch me lumber along behind him. When I caught up he went in. I’m starting to sense a pattern here.

Inside, the terminator began babbling about dragons and Stormcloaks, which seemed a bit silly for a robot from the future, but I just kept my mouth shut and followed  him around like Igor from a Mel Brooks movie. This turned out to be a good strategy because he unbound my hands.

“Pickpocket Hadvar?” asked the screen. Oh. He has a name. Well that’s good. But stealing from a killer machine who just unbound my hands seems ungrateful at the very least.

“Let’s get you some supplies,” says Hadvar. So I wander off to explore the room.

“Pick lock?” my screen asks as I approach a prison cell. Picking locks and stealing from others, huh? You certainly don’t have a very high opinion of me, Screen. But why not? It looks empty to me… 

So I picked that lock and every other lock in the room. I also picked up everything I could and practiced moving around and jumping for a while. The terminator watched this all stoically from the door. An hour later I approached him.

“Are you done?”

Why yes, Hadvar, I’ve had my fill of this room. Lead on!

I’ll say one thing for him, he’s extremely patient. 

 

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Skyrim: Swan Dive

I’m not moving.

I’m just standing there as panicked people spontaneously combust around me.

The terminator took off towards a door but I remain still. A brief experiment reveals I can now move on my own. Of course. NOW I can move. A fine time to be abandoned by my  possessors but all things considered they clearly want me dead.  This seems illogical. Never-the-less I attempt to run after my terminator and find I move with the grace of a newborn foal.

HOW MANY THUMBS AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE?!

I stumble into the building my terminator disappeared into and find more people in a panic. Less of them are on fire though, so I figure we’re better off than before. I look around for Ulfric Stormcloak since the dragon came quite strategically and I’m no dummy but he’s no where to be seen.

The terminator informs me if we can make it to the something-or-another we should be safe and then takes off up the stairs. I’m a little confused, but I guess they don’t do so well with fire considering they’re made of metal.

I follow him up drunkenly and he yells, “follow me!” and jumps out a window. Maybe he wasn’t programmed to understand the vulnerabilities of humans? But then it occurs to me that no one ever said I was human, so I proceed to belly-flop into a burning pile of wood.

“Your hands are bound,” says the screen helpfully.

 

Wanna play a game…?

 


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